Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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