let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
