3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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