so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
