I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
