i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
