I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
