I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My life is pants optional.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
