She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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