WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
