Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
