You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
