You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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