I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
