woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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