no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
