The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
