Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
