Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
