I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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