I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
