So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love having hate sex.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
