Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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