my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
