i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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