maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
