508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
