My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
