dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
