That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
