i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
