New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
tell me about the fingering
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
