Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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