I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
