I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
