you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
