Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
