yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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