It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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