how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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