TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
