This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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