I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
