Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
