i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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