God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
