He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
