I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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