Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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