You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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