Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
