my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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