i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
