You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
