so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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